And so it begins

Yesterday at 4:00 I saw the one word that will forever change the lives of myself and my husband, Kyle. The word was "pregnant" and it appeared on the home pregnancy test I had just taken in a bathroom stall at work. Yes, that's right, I said at work. I'd spent the 2.5 days leading up to that moment thinking that I was pregnant and I was getting to the point where I couldn't focus on anything else, so I got up from my desk at 3:15 and drove myself to Target.
Once I found where the tests were I spent a solid 10 minutes agonizing over the different brands and all the different types within each brand. Finally, I realized that it really didn't matter which one I picked, the results would be the results regardless of the name on the box. I picked the one that has the digital read out, and honestly, my main reason for choosing that one was the commercials they've aired that make fun of their product, calling it the "most advanced piece of technology you will ever pee on." lol! Anyways, I start walking to the checkout and it hits me, "oh no! what if someone I know is here?!?!", so I grabbed some face wash to hold over the box. I know, how ridiculous, but my brain was not at all working with me at the time! I made it to and through the check out with no incident and was safely back in my car and on my way back to work in no time.
Once I was back at my desk I couldn't wait another minute, so I stashed the test in my glasses case and headed for the bathroom, locked myself in the last stall, and took a deeeep breath.
Moment of truth, no going back after this. I didn't even really know what I was hoping for. I'd already been suspecting this for a few days, and as I reflect now I see that I actually pretty much "knew" I was pregnant for weeks already at this point. Kyle and I were not actively trying, and although kids were in the plans for "someday" that day was definitely not 5.12.2009! I had been thinking about what I would do if it did flash "pregnant" and when I was thinking about it I really didn't have any reason for not wanting it to say that other than the fact that I knew Kyle didn't feel like it was time for us to start building the family we both knew we wanted but just hadn't decided to start building just yet. Personally, I've been ready for a baby since the minute he and I got married last September. I had planned to wait until the end of this summer and then start trying once we had reached our first anniversary. My only reason for wanting to wait for the end of summer is that this summer was to be the first one in as long as I can remember that I wasn't in school or planning a wedding. I was looking forward to having a completely responsibility free summer filled with doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. But standing there in that bathroom stall, getting ready to take the test, I had the overwhelming feeling of "I'm so ready for this, I kind of hope it says I'm pregnant!" mixed with "but I'll be okay if I have to wait until fall".
The test was supposed to take 3 minutes for the results to come up, mine came up in less than 30 seconds. When I saw that word on that screen I was flooded with excitement, fear, relief, ecstasy, and an overriding sense of awe. I was going to have a baby!! There is a little tiny life inside me right now, a baby created by my husband and I, that was really the most humbling and awesome feelings I have ever had, and it certainly hasn't gone away!