I'm raising the most amazing boys!

Some wonderful things that happened today in our family:

1. I picked up Kaleb early from daycare so he and I could have our special time. He chose to spend it having a snack on the couch (cream soda, cheez its with hummus, annies fruit snack and annies fruit roll up....okay so maybe dinner) and watching Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey together. I'm so very good with that, I adore that he is hooked on Cosmos right now, watching his 'seriously curious' brain (his term) soak up that information. I talked about what special time is and that Jacob gets his in the morning so I wanted Kaleb to have some and today was a good day for it. He shared that he really liked special time, and suggested "maybe we could do it where M W F Jacob gets picked up early, and then I get T Th, since Jacob needs you right now so he could have the more days" :) :) :) my heart melted, I said to Kaleb "honey, I love your thoughtfulness! You're right, Jacob is needing more attention right now while he works through his stuff, but that doesn't at all mean that you should get less attention, you know that, right?" and he said "Oh, I know, I get that. I'm just saying, Jacob needs you, like he actually needs your attention more right now, so he would have more days."
My sweet thoughtful kind generous observant loving son!! I grabbed him up in a hug and told him I loved him so very much, that he continues to find more and more ways to make my heart sing and that I'm the very luckiest ever to get to be his mommy. He smiled and shrugged it off and said "Okay, we're missing time with Cosmos!" and we got back to our show.

2. I was standing in the bedroom talking to Kyle and Jacob walked in and said "Mommy?" then kind of shook his head like a "wait, that's not what I meant" gesture and said "Wait, I mean, Daddy?" and then proceeded to ask Kyle for help getting a drink. This is amazing, that I was right there and he still went to Kyle with his need. What a beautiful sign of the trust and love Kyle has been so actively nurturing with the boys these past months. Another heart swoon :)

3. Jacob feeling Kaleb's paper cut (empathy, note to self to hopefully come finish this post another time)

Bookmarks and reflections

It is easy to get caught up in what you want your children to learn, know, be, think, feel etc. One of the primary intentions I use for my meditation practice and my daily mindfulness work is a strong desire to see my children as they are, not as I want or imagine them to be. I think as parents we over indulge our desires a bit with the kids, allowing our own bias and dreams to cloud over our perception until we are left only seeing a projection when we are looking at our kids.

I try to be vigilent when I am with them, on the look out for projections of my own and bringing myself over and over again back into the present moment with them. My kids continually provide me amazing lessons in living in the here and now, absorbing fully each moment. If I watch and pattern after them, I am squarely in the present. Especially with Jacob as he is still 4. Kaleb is nearing 7 now, the age when many say the concept of 'self as separate' starts to really emerge. Piaget calls it the Concrete Operational phase, which is when the mind becomes developed enough to understand that what they think can be different from what another thinks and experiences. All that to say, while he retains much of his innocence, some of it is fading as Kaleb matures. And I know Jacob is right behind him.

In the interest of catching these little clues to who my kids really are at their core, I need to capture a couple observations on Jacob from the past week.

First, the bookmark. One day he brought me a small colored piece of paper home from school. He'd used markers to add colorful lines and shapes and it came home with him from his little folder at day care. When he gave it to me, I remarked on how he'd used so many colors and it was so interesting to see them all together, and then set it aside (me trying to not praise with the 'good job' and focus more on the decisions and efforts he'd put into it). Later that evening Jacob, seeking to be helfpul I think, brought me one of the books I am reading and handed it to me. I was standing next to his color sheet and I said "Oh hey! Look at how perfect your picture is as a bookmark for my book!" and I put the colored little paper in as a book mark and told Jacob now everytime I looked at it I would smile and think of how thoughtful he was when he made me that picture. Since that day, he has brought me home no less than three new "bookmarks" every day. He proudly presents them to me, and even goes so far as to tell me exactly what book of mine he made them for. I am moved by the sensitive heart that lead him to observe how happy a bookmark made me and to then find a way to bring me more happiness. I'm awed by his intuitive paying attention to these things, even to the level of knowing which of the hundreds of books in this house are the ones I am currently reading through. Such an observant and sensitive heart.

Second, the unsolicited accountability. This past Thursday I had a dentist appointment at 8 AM. I knew this would mean a high potential for stress that morning, needing to get the boys ready and out the door while also ensuring I was ready for work before leaving since I was going straight to the office from the dentist appointment. On Wednesday night at dinner I had a conversation with the boys about how the next morning would be a potentially stressful one for mom, and that I really needed their help. this is a strategy I try to use whenever I can, talk about the situation or potential for high emotions before we are in the thick of it. We talked about what we would do if they didn't feel like getting up when I told them it was time (Jacob: do it anyway! Kaleb: stretch and yawn and think about how yummy breakfast will be) what we'd do if they felt like playing hide and seek when it was time to get in the car (both: just don't!) and what would happen if Mommy started getting irritated or stressed out (Mommy: I will tell you what I feel like, Kaleb: We will listen and try to help, Jacob: I will hug you) So, here comes Thursday morning and of course, it goes exactly like I'd anticipated...not according to plan. Jacob had a hell of a time with going along with the routine, dug in and refused to get dressed. I got stressed and told him I was feeling annoyed because i really needed help and it seemed like he wasn't willing to help me. It did not go smoothly, but between my ongoing nagging and my need to carry him to the car and put his shoes on his feet for him, we got out the door and everyone got to where they needed to be on time. Then, that night after school, Jacob came home and walked over to me. Standing next to me he says "Mommy? I was thinking and next time we have a dentist appointment, I am going to do everything you say and whatever you need for me to be a good helper. Okay?" and my heart blew up. No one else knew what had happened that morning, there is no way another adult could have coached him to that. He had reflected all by himself, come up with the challenge, and then came up with a way to do it different next time. AND he then shared it with me without me having to ask at all. I love his  heart so much :)

When Mom is wrong

The boys are 6 and 4 these days, life looks a lot different than it did in my earlier days on this blog. Now they are able to be responsible for getting themselves dressed for day care or school in the morning, along with many other new capabilities. This has truly been game changing, I love the new found independence and capabilities we're discovering every day! Wanted to capture a quick moment from this morning, as a means of preserving the memory and reminding my future self that it is okay to get things wrong as long as we're willing to go back and fix them wherever we can.

Some mornings are more challenging than others. Some days I wake up rested and calm, these are the days I make breakfast with a smile, sip coffee and read news while the boys watch a cartoon, and then gently encourage them through the getting dressed and into the car process. today was not one of those days. Today was the kind of morning where I wake up already a little angry with the world, but with seemingly no specific reason, just a general simmering anger.

I have a friend I've talked about this phenomenon with and we describe it as just looking around the world and waiting for someone or something to give us a target for the anger we're carrying around. Kind of sitting and watching and almost wishing someone would say something stupid so we could lash out and expend all the negative energy. It's pretty awesome to have friends in your life who hear your story and respond with a loud "Me TOO!!" But I digress...back to this morning.

I've worked hard on being mindful of moments, all the moments, good and bad. Tuning in to my emotions and general moods so I can learn about how they impact the way I interact with my world. So when I wake up like today I do immediately sense it and fully understand that this is just a passing emotion, and that (as I say to both boys all the time) It is okay to feel angry, it is not okay to hurt another person because of it. I wish I lived up to it perfectly, but I don't and so I use my failings to teach the boys how to deal with it when they inevitably fail to live up to what they expect from themselves.

Today is pajama day at day care, and Kaleb wasn't sure if he still had to wear his summer camp t-shirt or if he could wear a normal shirt with his pj pants. I told him to wear the summer camp shirt and that he could pick out and bring along a normal shirt to change into if we found out he didn't need to wear the camp shirt. With my "come on come on, we need to go, mama needs to get to work" frantic demands, the getting of the back up shirt didn't happen.

We realized this when I walked Kaleb to his class and saw all his friends in normal shirts, and my sweet little Kaleb did not say a single word to me about how disappointed he was that we forgot his shirt. I could see it on his face, but he smiled and gave me my high-five goodbye (yes, we are officially at the age where it isn't cool to kiss your mom in front of friends) and off he went. I took Jacob to his class and got in my car to head to the office.

But I couldn't shake my disappointment in letting my own foul mood get in the way of helping Kaleb this morning. Was it technically his responsibility to remember that back up shirt? Absolutely! We work hard to make sure these boys don't grow up thinking Mom is in charge of that stuff. I'm here to support and help, but they are responsible for where their stuff is. Still, I knew my darker mood and pressuring for the boys to hurry up and get ready was a contributor to the forgetting. Kaleb was focused on complying with my commands, and he did so with excellent speed and hustle. but the look on his face when he realized we' forgot his favorite Star Wars shirt that goes with his Star Wars pj's pants, well that just kinda broke my heart a bit.

Instead of heading to the office, I went home and got that shirt out his dresser. I drove straight back to his day care and asked his teachers if I could borrow him for a moment. When he came into the hallway I knelt down and held the Star Wars shirt out. I told him I knew how much he wanted to wear that shirt today, and that I was sorry that I was so focused on myself this morning that I forgot to be a good helper to him. I told him I had watched how hard he worked this morning to help me out by not only getting himself ready but by also helping his little brother. I asked him if he could forgive me for breaking the rule about not letting our anger hurt someone else. He just stared at me, right in my eyes and nodded, with this look of serious thinking on his face. Then, after a few seconds, he smiled and gave me a high five for bringing the shirt to him. I told him he could go change quick in the bathroom and bring me back his summer camp shirt so I could bring it with me.

This struck me as the example I'll want in the future for how sometimes Mom is wrong. I want my kids to see their parents getting things wrong because I want my kids to see their parents role modeling the way to respond after we get something wrong. Not blaming the other person (your shirt, your responsibility!) while also not taking everything back on themselves (I apologized for not being a better helper, not for forgetting to bring the shirt for him). I want to be the kind of mom that narrates my life for my kids, so they can get a front row seat to what it means to make mistakes and what it means to work to correct them wherever we can. I hope that is what I was able to show Kaleb today.

Sometimes Mom is wrong, too. That's okay. Because Mom is a person just like everyone else, and everyone gets it wrong sometimes. The lesson isn't about not getting it wrong, it's about knowing what to do to try to put things as much back to right as we can.

Thanksgiving menu

A rather boring title, but I'm hoping it helps next year when I go searching for  my post about what I made (so as to make it again) but it isn't anywhere in November...because I can't seem to get it together to record things like this in a timely fashion. Just a quick note to my future self:

Hi, 2015 Sarah! You found your menu post, remember last year when you had to try to remember what you made the year before because you didn't think to write it down?? Well, look at you, learning and growing and now you have your whole menu, with links, saved right here for you. Now, go rock out that dinner, lady!

Okay, thanks for humoring me there :) Thanksgiving was lovely yet again, we had the Remsburgs here for dinner and the boys once again helped me with the prep. Minimal help...negligible help...but still, help. As you see in my note to my future self above, I didn't keep track of what I made last year so this year I had to figure out all the stuff again. As a big fan of learning from my experiences, I've decided to capture the menu here:

Remsburg Thanksgiving Menu: 2014

14 lb. turkey
Turkey brine (Pioneer Woman)
Gravy from turkey drippings
Sausage and Sage Stuffing (Taste of Home) *used two loaves rosemary focaccia bread, cubed and sage sausage
Green bean casserole (Mom's recipe in family cookbook)
Mashed potatoes (Pioneer Woman)
Corn (dumped a can in a bowl, microwave, add butter and salt)
Rolls (crescent roll tube from store)
Cranberry sauce (Pioneer Woman)
Sweet potatoes baked with candied pecans (brought by Annette, yum!!)
Waldorf salad (also brought by Annette)
Pumpkin pie (Mom's recipe in family cookbook)
Apple crisp (Mom's recipe in family cookbook)

There, now that should make prep for next year easier. Speaking of prep, I take the week of Thanksgiving off of work, but only me, no husband or kids allowed, because I'm selfish like that and I know how much I need that down time. This year, Angie came over on Tuesday and helped me get organized and also start prepping. Uhmmm, that was awesome!! It's way more fun to be in the kitchen when you have one of your all time favorite people in there with you :) In addition to some food prep, we tackled Rosemary Gladstar's Wildcraft Face Cream and in addition to listed ingredients, we infused the oils with organic calendula petals for a good 2 hours in a double boiler. Oh. My. Goodness! This cream is amaaazing, and it actually came out like a real lotion which I have never been able to make before. What a fun day of prep and crafting that was.

Ciao for now!

Mama Bears Can't Afford to Hibernate

Tis the season for me to want to curl up with a heating pad, a book and a blanket and just go into hibernation mode until April. I know I'm not alone in this, and I suspect that with the unbelievably hard core start to winter we're having this year, we're going to have some more people seeking hibernation than may typically do so.

But this year, more than any year, I simply can't let the season drag me down. My mama bear instincts have been awakened with a ferocity that is surprising me and I wonder if this may actually be a help to me in battling back the constant desire to just stay in bed all winter. Last night was parent/teacher conferences, something I look forward to greatly for both the boys! I love hearing about how they are relating to their world and the people in it, and hearing the teacher's perspective on where they are developmentally.

Jacob is on track and is demonstrating strengths in creating close bonds to peers and moderating his own wants and desires against the wants and desires of others in his environment. He needs to work on using his words more, specifically in situations with high emotion. He gets frustrated when he wants something and doesn't get is right away (don't we all?) and resorts to using his body (hands, feet, teeth) to express his anger instead of using his voice. Not concerned here, this is age appropriate behavior and something that will improve with time and attention.

Kaleb is excelling academically, as has been the report at every previous conference as well. He's a bright and observant kid, asking questions that sometimes leave the teachers speechless because of the level of insight they represent. We have been receiving reports frequently of his inability to sit still at circle time, his tendency to interrupt the teacher with a question without waiting his turn, and his regular attempts at making his peers laugh during times where they are supposed to be focused. I've taken these with a grain of salt, because it is blatantly obvious that he gets this from me. In the grown up world we call this being extroverted, passionate, and sometimes overly talkative. I just figured these reports were examples of my son's bright, curious, passionate and engaging nature...but last night a new term was used...ADHD. The teacher commented that she hopes that when Kaleb goes to kindergarten next year the teachers see beyond the hyper and can identify the greatness in him and don't "write him off". This, ladies and gentleman, sent my protective parenting instinct into overdrive.

"Write him off"?! I'll be damned if that happens. Did you know that when I was a sophomore in high school my life plan was to go to Harvard and that my thesis for my doctorate was my conviction that many cases of ADHD have more to do with the child being bored in a traditional school setting than with the child having a "learning disability". I was going to use that doctorate of mine to open learning centers across the nation that were designed with the needs of the ADHD child in mind. Clearly, that did not pan out, and yet it looks like God has kept me true to my calling and my passion by blessing me with a child who serves as the perfect case study for my thesis. It is, and continues to be, my suspicion that in many cases, it is the education system that has the disability, not the child.

Now, before you accuse me of being overly biased because he is my kid, let me say that I do recognize the need for children to learn to adapt to their environment and that it is important to learn in life that sometimes we have to do things we find boring or tedious. I'm not going on a soapbox to say my child is magical and special and it's just that no one understands him and we should let him explore however he wants to. I am not blind when it comes to my kids, or at least I like to think I am not, although I realize I am somewhat biased because it is my job as his mom to see the best in him, especially when others struggle to.

In absence of a full diagnosis just yet, Dr. Google has provided me with multiple confirmations of something I've been suspecting for a while now. My oldest child displays many of the traits associated with ADHD. I am heart broken when I think about what it means for him if this is truly a diagnosis he ends up with. I know all too well what it feels like to want to behave and yet not do so, the anger of trying so damn hard to follow through and stick with something and stay focused and still have to constantly struggle with it even though you want to do it so badly.

We'll seek formal diagnosis in the future. For now I am thankful he has a teacher at day care who pays such close attention to him and who wasn't afraid to raise the concern with me. I am thankful that he is my son because I am uniquely suited to understand his struggles while at the same time having spent many years reading about and studying not only ADHD but all aspects of human behavior and development.

Kaleb, I assure you that for as long as I'm here you will have the best advocate there is for your development. No teacher on my watch will ever "write you off", mama bear is wide awake and I've been preparing for this, unknowingly, for over two decades.

Mom's first 5K!

I ran my first 5K race this morning! Finished at 39:02, which is about 4 minutes faster than my pace on the first time I ever ran one for practice. Kyle and the boys came to cheer me on, and Frank and Annette were there as well :) I picked up running at the end of March this year. Jacob was about to be one and I wanted/needed to get back into exercising. But, having just the one TV and a small-ish living room, and not really liking to use my laptop (i like the sound LOUD!) working out to my DVD's at home just wasn't working. I decided running would be the answer, if I only had 30 minutes to work out, I could get a decent cardio burn running for that long. I started a Couch to 5K program in April and today I did that first race. I do look forward to going for a run now, not because I particularly enjoy the actual running, but because I enjoy seeing just how much my body can do. I like running because there is always something to compete against yourself with, and it is easy to get measurements and track progress. My body feels less lethargic and I am more eager to jump in and play with the kids at the playground. This is my ultimate reason for running, to be healthy and fit and active with my boys. No plans to train for a a 10K right now, instead I am going to focus my training efforts on improving my 5K time. I am excited to go out and find my next race!

In other news, Kaleb has started throwing out the "You're not my best friend!" card when he is mad at me. The other day I had to take his Spiderman cartoon away because he had been playing a bit rough with the kids at school. When I wouldn't let him watch it that night and explained that he needed to have a good day before he could have his superheroes back he went to all out meltdown. This was when he tossed the best friend grenade out. I replied with "I am your Mommy" and left it at that. He went so far as to say/shriek "If you were my best friend you would let me watch it!"to which I again replied "I am your Mommy. That show is too violent for you, you need to show me you can control your self before you may watch it again." I know this should break my heart to hear him say this to me, and that in his mind saying that to me is a big deal. But, if I'm being totally real, I actually felt kinda proud to hear him say that. Proud of myself for not giving in and honestly, proud of him for using words and expressing just how upset with me he was. I want him to always feel safe enough with me to express his true feelings. Sure, as he gets older we will work on finding other ways to say what he is trying to express. Right now though, I am pleased that he will shout that out. I am pleased that I was able to calmly reply and remind him that I am Mom. And pleased that he saw that even when he is in a rage at me, I love him and I am going to be right there, all the while doing what is best for him even if it makes me unpopular at the moment.

Jacob has taken off with walking! It is his preferred mode of transport and he is now already working on climbing things, like the ladder at day care for the slide. He also spent a good amount of time with Annette this morning practicing going up and down steps while I was running. He held her hand and stepped off the curb, walked around her and stepped back up the curb, then back around and down, and so on. Annette said she was like the revolving grandma :) It is such a blessing to have her around the kids (all the grandparents!) to help them grow up and be truly invested in their development.

The house hunt is still moving forward. We just heard back from the people we are trying to buy the house we want from. We had inspections and the house needs a new roof and chimney. We wanted them to pay for all repairs, they propose we split them...of course. Deciding now what we are going to do, will be getting estimates on both this week. On that front, I had a great memory lock moment today. The sun was shining, we were leaving the neighborhood on our way to the park. The Avett Brothers were playing in the car and our windows were down but going slow enough so my hair was just lightly blowing. It was such a beautiful moment and I realized that we are on the tail end of this chapter, this neighborhood, this house, this home. I'm so excited to be moving on, and at the same time I am appreciative of all the beautiful memories we have here. So, at that moment today I took a nice memory snap shot of the happiness and our young family and the summer just starting. A lovely little heart smile!

What's going on?

Hi, friends! Been a long time, again. I don't understand why I sometimes feel such a sense of writer's block when I come out here. One person shared that it is hard to get back into but if I just keep on posting it will get easier again. And I really do want to be more regular with my updates. My hope is someday to turn this blog into some sort of book and share it with the kids as the story of when they were growing up...or, more likely, read it to myself as a way of remembering their early years.

I also don't want every post to just be a catch up post, but I fear that this one needs to be since it has been months! Here are the highlights for the kids:

Kaleb is just about three and a half, he is talking in complete paragraphs, making up his own stories now, and gets a big kick out of substituting words where they don't make sense. For example "donut" and "cheerio" will make random appearances in his stories, and he cracks himself up with that. His sense of humor is growing and it is amazing to watch the things that he finds funny. He has a y-bike scooter that he is getting really good on. I like watching him ride it and seeing him sink down a bit into a better center of gravity, shifting his body weight around to steer it, and then playing with different balancing acts when he is stopped. I watch him now and wonder if he will someday be in the X-Games or something like that, and I'll be there watching him and remembering these early spring days on his little green scooter in the driveway. That's how my brain works, I see the kids do something and think "Someday I'll look back on this as the start of ...." whatever I might imagine up at that moment. I wonder if others do this or if it is just another element of my weirdness?

Jacob has had his first word, his first step, and has weaned himself from nursing...and he did all three of those on the same day! It was April 19, we were home together because day care was closed that day for teacher training. While Kaleb was napping, Jacob and I were playing in the liviing room. He picked up a ball and held it out to me and announced "BALL!" Hurray! First word and I was here to see it! An hour later he was holding on to the coffee table when he let go and took his first steps to try and walk to me. YES! First steps and I was there to see them! That night before bed I went to nurse him and he turned away and looked at the spot on his nightstand where I sometimes would put a bottle for him. That was a happy and a sad. Happy because it meant I had that much more of my independence and freedom back. Sad because, well, because he is my baby and this meant I am done breast feeding now. Most likely forever. But, happy outweighed the sad, because seriously, that is a lot of freedom back for me. No more worrying about what I eat or when I drink, or if/when I have caffeine. No more pump or nursing pads. But, I digress. Jacob still prefers crawling as his mode of transport, although just this morning he was really cruising around the house holding on to different things.

Since my last post, I attended a class called Apothecary Basics, which was all about using plants and herbs for medicine. Before attending the class I had read Jean Auel's Clan of the Cave Bear series. In it the main character, Ayla, is a medicine woman and she was always gathering plants to make tea and broth to take care of people. Have I mentioned I'm the biggest dork in the world?? So, went to this class with my friend Angie and we are both hooked. I've been playing with different tea formulas and making all kiinds of different homemade stuff. I've made bubble bath for the kids, bug spray, cleaining solution, and diaper rash cream so far. It is so fun to me to read up on what different plants do and then learn how I can make my own products! Our next adventure is to take a class on foraging and start learning how to identify plants by sight in the wild. I've already harvested some dandelion root from my backyard, cleaned it, and used it in the tea blend I make for Kyle. That is just so much fun to me!

Okay, going to consider this caught up for now. And I sincerely hope to see you all again very very soon in a future post!

Super Bowl with the Remsburg Family

Today I am spending my first official sick day home with both boys. Up to now it has been just Jacob getting sent home from day care with a fever. Yesterday Kaleb finally got hit by the flu that is making rounds this season. His pre-nap diaper change yesterday required the bathtub...then again same thing after nap. We had Brent and Eddie over to "watch" the Super Bowl last night.

Kaleb had missed most of his nap and then fell asleep on the couch while we were all in the kitchen cooking and whatnot. I was in the middle of a homemade Spinach Artichoke Dip, the kind of fussy recipe where you are melting butter and constantly watching it so it doesn't burn and whisking in flour and having to get the timing just right or the consistency of the sauce will be ruined, in other words, completely absorbed in what I was doing and not at all doing something that was easily interrupted and returned to. Naturally, this is when Kaleb wakes up in the living room and starts crying that his tummy hurt and he only wants Mommy. Rushed through the recipe and went to my little guy, his tummy was a bit distended and somewhat hard to the touch. He did not want me anywhere near it, it hurt so much.

Recalling the last time this happened (after hours care for the doctor to massage a nice diaper out of him...) I thought that was what we were seeing again so I had him walking around the kitchen to try and get things moving in there. Well, I was successful but not in the direction I was aiming for. Poor dude stopped walking and puked all over the floor, the kind where it comes out your nose, the worst!! Little guy was scared and feeling crappy and I felt so bad for him! Got him in the tub with a nice warm bath to calm him down and help ease his shivers. Got him all dressed up warm and comfy and brought him out on the couch to cuddle with me. All was well and then Brent brought out his ceviche, Kaleb got down to inspect it and proceeded to purge the rest of his stomach all over the floor. Another warm rinse off, clean diaper, fresh clothes then back out to cuddle more. Except he was done cuddling, he was bright eyed and ready to be his old self again. I let him stay up for another half hour then we did bedtime stories and lights out.

This morning he had another gag worthy diaper, but otherwise seems to be doing better.

Jacob was fussy last night while I was tending Kaleb, but I chalked it up to his usual routine of fussing every time he sees me but I can't pick him up. He went to sleep really easily at 7 and that was the end of his being easy! Woke up at 10, ate again and then fussed when I put him down. Let him fuss a bit to see if he would sleep. Nope. Midnight back in to snuggle, by 2 I was ready to cry along with him. Brought him into our bed at Kyle's suggestion, he fussed and whined in there. Kyle got him tylenol around 3 and then took him into the nursery and rocked him to sleep. I'm thinking he is getting a couple teeth.

By now it was about 4. Finally fell asleep and got a good hour before my alarm went off at 5:10 which I promptly snoozed. The dumb thing kept going off so I kept snoozing it. Then Kaleb called for me. I had some choice words (to myself) at that point, along with some high drama such as "I'm not going to survive this" and "I can't do this anymore, I can't handle it!" Once those were out of my system I got up and got our day underway.

Both boys seem to be doing well this morning, and my patience seems to be holding up so far. Jacob isn't technically sick, but something was off last night and he didn't get anywhere near enough sleep. I'm home with them all day and really really hoping they both take afternoon naps at the same time!!!

When Kaleb was sick last night I could not stop rubbing his back, asking him how he felt, asking him if he needed anything. Before long he would look at me and say "Mommy! what do you want?!" in an exasperated tone. It was a different game having a sick one who could talk and express what was wrong. I actually felt worse for Kaleb last night than I did when he got sick as a baby, or when Jacob gets sick. Somehow I expected it to be the other way around, but Kaleb's being sick last night was hard to handle, I wanted to fix it so much and felt helpless because I couldn't take it away from him. I'm really glad to see him making such a quick recovery!

Oh, and the Spinach Artichoke Dip turned out great and will be making a repeat appearance at my next opportunity! First time I've made it by myself instead of buying at the store, and I will absolutely be doing this one again! I also made Spicy Sriracha White Bean Dip, which tasted great but the consistency was a little off, needed some more beans I think to be thicker. I may experiment with this one again, adding another can of beans. It would be great in a pita with cucumbers and spinach and whatnot. I'm not yet adding it to my favorites list. 

Also, want to note that Brent and Eddie handled all of this like champs! They didn't pack up and run off, which would have been totally understandable. Instead, while Kyle and I were busy running rugs and clothes and everything down to the washing machine, washing and disinfecting floors, and rocking a screaming baby, Brent and Eddie were in the kitchen cleaning :) They cleaned up the entire first round of cooking, which was especially bad since I was rushing through the end of that last dip and just throwing things wherever. They hung out on the couch with us and sick Kaleb and shared a laugh over how ridiculous it all was. AND Brent didn't murder me for, once again, messing up the Super Bowl recording. This is the third year in a row I've screwed it up, this year I only recorded the pre-game show and we didn't realize it until just before half time...which made it pretty hard to do our normal routine of fast forwarding through the game and judging the commercials. Maybe next year I'll get it right, but I wouldn't count on it!

100th Post, New Name, and a Recipe

Re-titled my blog in hopes that I post more frequently, and also because it more closely reflects the current state of our lives. With Jacob on the move at 10 months and Kaleb at 3 in full on negotiation stage, I feel like we've entered a new phase, two busy, active, curious and demanding little boys and Kyle and I doing whatever we can to try to keep on top of things.

I went through a bit of a lull in posting, just didn't feel like sitting and writing all that much lately. The combination of hectic family life that translated to a severe lack of sleep, a period of career growth for me full of lots of first time challenges and new, more complex, problems to solve at work, all while trying to find balance again after battling a case of wicked postpartum depression (to be addressed in a separate post) just left me feeling not all that bloggy or connecty or sharey. Oh, and I also make up words now...wait, I always did that, nevermind.

So, without a long catch up (perhaps in yet another separate post) I will jump right into sharing.

First, a recipe. For some reason I never felt like posting recipes made sense on here before. So, I changed the title and BAM! This is the perfect place for recipe sharing! seriously, that's how it works in my world...don't waste time trying to explain to me that the only thing I changed was the title at the top of the page and how that really doesn't do anything to change the blog...or that I am the owner of this blog and I could have put whatever I want on it at any time. This is the way it works in my world, and if Kyle hasn't figured out how to get through to me in over 10 years, trust me, you aren't going to fix my broken logic brain either :)

Okay, recipe. I'm coming out of a long period of just getting through the days, which means we haven't been doing much in the way of menu planning or dinners. Everyone made it through, and it's not like anyone was neglected...maybe me, but no on else! We pretty much reverted back to our habits from before I went on my big Family Dinner kick last year around this time. Kaleb and Jacob have dinner when we get home, Kyle and I would either make food after the kids were in bed or just scrounge up whatever. hmmm this is kinda turning into a catch up post isn't it? Back on track, Jacob is sleeping better lately which means so am I, which helps immensely in going beyond just getting through the day! And, seriously, the entire reason for this post was supposed to just be to capture a quick and easy dinner that I threw together last night, so I think I'll just jump to it without any further delay.

Smoked Sausage with Kale and Couscous
1 lb smoked sausage, cut into bite size pieces
1 scoop of minced garlic using the knife from cutting the sausage to scoop it out (yeah, that's as specific as I can get on that measurement)
1 onion, chopped
1 can diced tomatoes
Crushed red pepper flake, maybe 1 tsp? I just shake it in and use the same amount we typically add...sorry, again with the no measurement thing
3-4 handfuls of mixed baby kale
1 package Couscous, we used the Near East Garlic and Olive Oil

Start water boiling for couscous. In separate pan, saute the garlic, sausage and onion until sausage gets some nice cook marks on it and onion is softened a bit. Your water should be boiling, add in the couscous. Back to the sausage pan, dump in the can of tomatoes, juice and all. Stir it up all nice like then add your kale. I did 4 handfuls because I wanted some left over for my smoothie this morning, you can (and should!) do more, the recipe could have handled plenty more. Let that simmer until the kale wilts.

Kyle wanted the couscous in a bowl with the sausage kale mixture on top. My original vision was to just mix it all together and serve. Whatever, same in the end so I went with Kyle's way :)

It was good and filling, and we had plenty left over for Kyle's lunch today.

There. A recipe. Great for a quick dinner and can easily be played up or down depending on what you have on hand. 

Fast paced update from a fast paced life

It is sad how absent my updates have been this summer. Such an amazing time for our family but just so intense and busy that I haven't prioritized this. When I look back and feel disappointed over not capturing it all better, I hope to maintain the perspective that I was so involved in participating in our lives that I didn't have time to document it. Also, i took just as many pictures as I always do, so I'll be able to piece together our family stories from the photo albums...provided I ever print the pictures out then take time to organize them into albums :)

Quick updates on both boys

Jacob just cut his first tooth, bottom front right, yesterday. Then today I saw the one right next to it had broken skin. That explains the extreme lack of sleep we've dealt with all last week and the slowing down on nursing and bottle feedings. I was so worried last Wednesday that I took him to after hours care suspecting an ear infection. Not the case, but the peace of mind was worth the $20 copay! (it really is true that you have to learn all over again with the 2nd kid, many times I feel like I'm new at this again!) He is able to sit up on his own unsupported now, provided you set him up, and he can hold it from 10 - 45 seconds before toppling over while reaching for a toy. His laugh is all Jacob! More of a guffaw than a giggle, and he keeps this constant breathy exhale sound going the whole time then gets louder as he gets more excited. Hard to describe, and I'll be sure to capture video of it! We started feeding him solids last Wednesday. His first food was mashed avocado thinned with a little breast milk. I did catch an amazing video of that, uploaded in a previous post. He did remarkably well, grabbed the spoon from my hand and was able to guide it to his own mouth. Since then he has had peas, quinoa flake porridge, more avocado, and a banana/mango medley. If you are doing the math you have deduced that I've not honored the 'wait 3 days' advice...I just got so excited to introduce him to yummy tastes :) On the sleep front, he goes to bed around 7 every night and wakes up to eat at around 11:30 and 3ish. I'm ready for him to drop that 3am feeding, the lack of sleep is absolutely catching up to me. Jacob is babbling and cooing like crazy, he is constantly making sounds, to the point where other people comment on how much he 'talks'. He has multiple consonant sounds like Guh, Gah, Bah, Buh, Goo, Da, La, Ma and thhpppt (that is the sticking tongue out sound) and he strings them all together with different tone, pitch and volume variations. It sounds quite conversational, to the point sometimes where Kyle and I pause the TV while Jacob is babbling away in his crib at night because it really does sound like he is straight up talking to someone. Could I be blessed enough to have TWO super verbal kids?!

Kaleb blows my mind every day. He says things like "Oh, I didn't realize it was over there" while looking for a toy and tonight he said "Mommy, this dinner is so good, thank you for making it!" He is just over 2 1/2, I can't believe how intelligent and verbal he is. He demonstrates empathy while watching a movie and seeing a sad character, wanting to know why the character is sad and wanting to stop and talk about what could help the character feel better. He does all kinds of chores to help me out around the house, from putting away the silverware from the dishwasher to helping me set and clear the table for dinner and getting water from the sink and pouring it in the kitty water dish. He loves to help me take care of Jacob, when Jacob cries Kaleb will come running and say "It's okay Jacob, big brudder is here" (I love how he says brudder, I'll be sad when he stops doing that!) He shares his pacifier and/or blanket with Jacob if he thinks it would help Jacob feel better, he always offers to share his snack or juice with me or Kyle. He uses a kitchen chair to get his own snacks out of the cupboard or refrigerator, and when done with a snack he puts things back and puts his trash in the can and his spoon in the sink with no prompting from me. He is working on potty training but not completely interested yet. He regularly receives glowing reports from his teachers, and has also stumped them a number of times by being too intelligent for their standard '2 year old' tricks to work on him. I've had multiple chats with his teacher about how we manage Kaleb at home, and have been able to work together to help him be more successful at school. With Kaleb, we find it effective to ask him questions rather than tell him. For example, "Kaleb, what do we do when we are all done with our toys?" or "Hmmm, it looks like there is some juice spilled here, Kaleb can you help me remember how we fix this?".

On a brothers front, the boys are so wonderful to observe. I love when they are in the living room and don't realize I stopped on my way past the room to watch them for a bit. Jacob in his bouncy activity thing staring with rapt attention at Kaleb while Kaleb shows Jacob how to work certain toys or sings him a song or just talks to him. I love how Kaleb is possessive of his brother, how he is attuned to what Jacob needs when he cries, and how Kaleb initiates on his own some interactions and play time and is excited to see Jacob after school and wants to give him a hug and kiss. I love how Jacob is completely engrossed in all things Kaleb. Jacob's face splits in half with a massive grin when he sees his brother, he does his most expressive babbling when Kaleb is the target of his conversation, and if Kaleb is in the room then you can bet that Jacob is watching every thing his big brother is doing. Just this week I started giving them bath at the same time, Jacob's whale tub in the big tub with Kaleb. Such wonderful happy times, I seriously some times feel like I'm going to just implode from all the love and joy I feel with my family!

Well, what was going to be just a couple lines about each boy turned in to quite the post! Suppose I'll keep going real quick with an update on me and Kyle. We celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary last week...which we didn't realize had arrived until I got home from work that day and saw a card from our wedding photographer wishing us a happy anniversary. I walked into the living room holding the card and said "Well, uhhh, happy anniversary honey!" and Kyle looked at his watch and said "Oh wow, is that today?!" Oh well, at least we both forgot it the same year, so neither can really feel all that slighted. I suppose that event underscores the level of insanity that is our current family life that has kept me from making time to update lately! We are excited to be heading to Chicago this weekend to see The Avett Brothers in concert with Brent and Eddie. We'll be staying in a hostel, which is a first, and we are doing 2 nights because the Remsburg's have amazingly and graciously offered to keep the boys for the whole weekend. We will miss our munchkins like crazy, but are going to really enjoy some time to spend as just Kyle and Sarah as a couple :)

Okay, well, I suppose I should update the title of this post to "Exhaustive update from an exhausted wife and mother" but I think I'll just let the original title stand.

Jacob's first food!

Busy Weekend & Some "Firsts" for Both Boys!

We are coming off a beautifully busy summer weekend, now both boys are sleeping soundly and I'm stealing a moment to post here about some special firsts we had over the weekend.

Last night Jacob slept in his crib all night long! I mean, he woke up for his midnight and his 3AM feedings, but he spent the sleeping part of his night in his crib. I hadn't planned on him moving out of the bassinet in our bedroom until he was around 4 months, but it looks like plans have changed. Here's the story of how that came to be:

I've shared previously that Jacob fell into an eat/play/sleep cycle which is what some experts say is ideal, but I assure you we had nothing to do with him choosing to go that route, he did that one all on his own :) Lately, when the play is done, Jacob has been having a rough time transitioning to sleep, unless I put him in the Moby wrap. That is A-OK with me for the most part, but then it is hard to get him out of the wrap and down for sleep if I want to do anything else, like shower or cook or perhaps go to sleep myself. He hated swaddling as a newborn, preferring to have his hands clenched under his chin instead.

A friend recommended I try swaddling again, citing the 5 S's (shush, swaddle, swing, side, suck) of The Happiest Baby on the Block. I had great success with all these S's with Kaleb, and was golden with 4 of them for Jacob, except the part that Jacob didn't like swaddling as a newborn. I was pretty sure it wouldn't work, but I've made some recommendations to her that I know she thought wouldn't work and she still tried them (mostly with success), so I went for it.

She was right! I swaddled Jacob up tight, popped in his paci, and sang to him (my version of the shush) while rocking him. He was out within 3 minutes! I put him in his crib and he took a 2 hour nap! Since the swaddle turns him into a baby mummy/gloworm, he won't go very easily into the bassinet (which is really just a Boppy Bouncy seat) in our room with his swaddle on. So, I decided after his 9PM feeding last night to put him in the crib instead of the bassinet. He slept straight through to his midnight feeding, I rocked him while feeding him in the glider in the nursery then put him back until his 3AM, which actually stretched to 4AM last night! He slept great in there, all swaddled up and cozy. I'm excited to see him falling asleep easily and happily, and also a little sad that the co-sleeping phase has ended 2 months earlier than I was planning on.

Another first of the weekend for Jacob was his first consonant sound, a perfectly adorable little "uhh-GUH". I adore his little voice, it is deep for a baby, only squeeky when he screams or cries. But his conversation voice is low and deep and a little breathy and I just love all our little talks. He gets so excited when he makes noises, his whole face breaking into this beaming grin. He really is a sweet and cute little monkey man!

Kaleb also had a first this weekend, our first time playing baseball in the backyard! Yesterday, we got him a foam bat that came with a plastic baseball. Today, while a snuggly swaddled Jacob slept in the crib, Kyle and I went outside with Kaleb to play. Kyle drew Kaleb a home plate on the driveway with sidewalk chalk and taught him how to hold, and choke up on, his bat. I taught him how to stand with his toes lined up to home plate and how to keep his eye on the ball. Then I threw him pitches for at least 20 minutes, and he connected on quite a few of them! Kyle served as catcher and coach. It was a great family moment, the kind I started looking forward to when we first found out we were pregnant with Kaleb.

It was a fun weekend for our family. On Friday, the boys and I met up with Laura and her girls at Java Gym. It was nice having Analyn there because she helped Kaleb climb up the bigger levels that he hasn't been able to do on his own. He was completely worn out after that! Saturday morning we were up early to wear Kaleb out so he'd take an early nap. We went to play at Riverside Park, then home for nap, and then it was off to celebrate with our friends for their super cute son's first birthday. It was an excellent party, perfectly kid-friendly and Kaleb had a great time! There's something so magical about that first birthday party, I'm happy we were there to join the celebration :) Then it was a quick stop home and back out the door to a picnic at Townsend Park with Brent and Eddie. They spoiled Kaleb with a new leaf blower bubble machine, which he thought was awesome, and had other toys for him too! The toys are great, but the best part was that they then spent most of the rest of the night playing with Kaleb. He really loves those two, talks about them all the time. The other day, Kaleb said to me "Mommy, I'm taking Jacob with me to go see Brent and Eddie, we'll be right back!" awwww!

Today was baseball outside in the morning, nap time, then over to Ben and Laura's to celebrate Father's Day with my dad early, since Mike and Kerry will be at camp next weekend. I love seeing Kaleb play with his cousins and aunts and uncles. He adores them all and it is very special to me to be able to raise my kids around cousins, aunts, and uncles since we didn't have any of those close to us when we were kids.

Busy busy weekend, full of firsts for both kids, fun times with great friends, and a chance to spend time with family. I say this a lot, because it is true, I Am Blessed!

Back to Work: The 'Me Too Crew' and 'What's the point?'

I start back to work tomorrow, and I'm both excited and sad at the same time.

I'm emotional over the part of going back to work that means I have to be away from Jacob. At this point, a little too emotional to capture in words. For now, suffice it to say I am squeezing him a little tighter when we rock at night and that tomorrow morning will be one for waterproof eye makeup.

I'm looking forward to getting back to my "real life" again. My leave has been wonderful, but I knew it wasn't a permanent thing and I'm looking forward to getting settled into a weekly routine again. (the actual figuring out of this routine is causing me some crazy stress, more on that soon)


The thing I'm looking forward to the most is getting back to what I now consider my "Me Too Crew" (probably missing some critical punctuation there...deal with it). I have great friends at work, and many of them are parents of young children. I have seriously missed seeing and talking to them daily about the joys and struggles of parenting. There is something so very powerful in sharing what you think is this crazy story, or this major parenting fail, and having someone else (or sometimes an entire group of people) nod their head and say "Yeah, that happened to me, too!" or "Oh man, I've so been there!".


I recently had the wife of one of these friends comment to me on Facebook about how crazy it can be with a 2 year old and an infant. This "me, too!" made me feel so much better about the many times I've felt completely overwhelmed with my boys. I am very happy to be re-joining that conversation with my work peeps, and I know it is going to work wonders on my stress levels!


On the not-so-excited front, I'm definitely stressed about how I'm going to manage my full-time schedule with both kids. I know that there are a lot of women who have done this, and who do it everyday, but it is my first time juggling an infant, toddler, husband, home, and career. Trying to picture how I'll swing work, menu planning, grocery shopping, family dinners every night, quality time with the boys, nurturing a marriage (or at the very least maintaining basic civility towards each other with all the stress!), breast feeding and pumping and storing milk and all the washing and packing of bottles...it is overwhelming to say the least.


This obsessively trying to figure out the perfect arrangement and ordering of tasks each day to ensure that it all gets done has reached a fevered pitch the past few days, as I get closer and closer to going back to work. I was literally pacing the floors the other day, with Jacob in the Moby wrap, trying to work out how I would make family dinners still happen every night.  With Jacob here now, I don't have time to menu plan during Kaleb's Friday nap. And in the summer we go to the cottage a lot on the weekends, which means I won't be able to grocery shop on Saturday, or if we go on Sunday I won't have that time to prep dinners for the week. And, I'll need and want to nurse Jacob right when we get home each night, so I won't be able to work on dinner. And so on and so on, I had myself worked into quite a stress-frenzy. And then, a thought came to me: "Why are you doing family dinners in the first place?" I'd like to say it was the still, small voice of God, but I fear He had to use a louder and more persistent voice to break through my incessant worrying over the details. But, the question came through and it stopped me in my Moby-wearin' tracks.


What IS the reason I wanted to eat dinner as a family every night? I can tell you it didn't have anything to do with playing with new recipes, and it wasn't about planning elaborate menus and spending hours on Pinterest looking for new ideas. No. The point of family dinners is to spend time as a family every day. The food on the table is no where near as important as the people around it. So what if we have sandwiches for dinner? Who cares if it is cereal even, some nights? If my family spends quality time at the cottage or the park on a weekend, that is a GOOD thing, not a nuisance! I can't believe how far from the goal I got, letting myself get stressed and worried, trapped in the details.


I want to be the kind of mother who smiles and laughs, I want my boys to look back on their childhood and see a happy mom who delighted in being with them. I know I will always have stress, raising a family is hard work, juggling career and marriage and children and home is tough for anyone. But, when my boys are grown and we look back over these years, I know it isn't the "Mom always had a balanced nutritious colorful meal" memory that is most important to me that they carry. That will happen some nights, eventually it will happen most nights. What I want my boys to remember when they are grown is more along the lines of "Mom had family dinner for us every night. We talked and laughed and I never once doubted that my parents loved me and wanted to hear about what was going on in my world." Or something like that. THAT is the point of having family dinner every night, and I'm very thankful to the Lord for the reminder this week, I needed it! :)

Rest in peace, Joe

On Sunday our dog, Joe, passed away while up at the cottage with Kyle for the weekend. Based on the symptoms we believe it was canine bloat. Kyle was up there for a bachelor party all weekend. Joe was fine all weekend, then early Sunday morning he started having some trouble. His stomach swelled up and was hard to the touch. He was outside laying down and then he stopped breathing. I want to capture this here because Joe was a part of our family.

My brother and brother-in-law where up at the cottage as well, so they were there to help Kyle bury Joe in the pet cemetery up there. I'm thankful they were there. Kyle is a strong, tough guy but no man is immune to the emotions of having to bury his dog, and Kyle is no exception to that. I'm sad I wasn't able to be there with and for him, but was glad Kyle had family there when it happened.

It is odd not having Joe here, every time a motorcycle drives by this week I have caught myself still cringing and waiting for Joe to go crazy. Then it doesn't happen. In the morning I think "Oh, I've got to feed Joe" and I catch myself looking for him in the back yard. Any reader who knows me will be aware that Joe was not my favorite thing in life, but I certainly never wanted to see this happen to him. While we've joked about finding him a new home over the past year, we weren't at all prepared for Joe to be gone from our lives this suddenly. A random thought I had this week "I'm glad I got some pictures of Joe sitting quietly with Jacob", because that means we have pictures of both the kids with Joe.

Kaleb has asked once to feed Joe, a chore he very much enjoyed doing, and we kind of skated around the issue because we hadn't discussed yet how we are going to handle explaining this to Kaleb. Since then we have had a chance to talk and are both on the same page: Honesty is the best policy, even when it is hard, and responses to his questions should be direct and brief. If/when Kaleb asks where Joe is we will tell him that Joe died and he is not here anymore. If he wants more of an explanation we'll tell him it means that Joe's body stopped working, that it means he doesn't eat anymore. I went to a couple of my books and many websites and it looks like the experts on this stuff agree with our approach.

Joe was a nervous, shedding, high-strung dog, but he was also gentle and loving towards both of the kids, eager to please, and (generally) obedient. He was a part of our family and he is missed. Rest in peace, Joe.

Lovely Mother's Day!

That's what I had yesterday, not just "Happy", but a day of reveling in the blessing that is my family. In the interest of being able to remember how we spent this first Mother's Day as a family of 4, I'll spend a quick minute capturing the actual events, then get into my actual purpose for this post.

I woke up to wrapped (wrapped!) presents and cards on the kitchen table. The boys gave me a hummingbird feeder and a chrysanthemum that I can plant in the garden. Kyle gave me the Dyson DC35 cordless vacuum, which I had been hinting at wanting for weeks...actually, there were no hints, I believe I said "So, I know people always say to never give appliances as gifts to your wife, but I reeeally want that Dyson!" :) Kyle then made breakfast, asparagus and crab omelette with hollandaise sauce and a side of bacon, and no, I didn't track calories yesterday!

After breakfast we hung out a bit around the house then got everyone dressed and out the door for some playtime and a walk at Riverside Park. While Kaleb napped, I fed Jacob and then Jacob fell asleep as well. That's right, another killer gift from the boys, simultaneous naps! I sat outside in the 70 degree sunny day and kept Kyle company while he did some outside chores. I enjoyed an icy cold Corona while reading the book I bought myself for Mother's Day, Tina Fey's Bossypants (LOVE it!). I also made these Breakfast Cookies which turned out really good considering they have no butter, no oil, no eggs, no flour and just a tablespoon of sugar. (I used dried cherries instead of raisins, and I added chocolate chips to act as toddler bait). Kyle loves them and Kaleb gobbled them down as well, great on-the-go breakfast solution!

After nap we all headed to Cascade Park for more play, and then met up with my family for dinner to celebrate my mom at Carrabba's. It was challenging to be part of the conversation or to enjoy dinner between Kaleb's needs and Jacob needing to eat right when we got there. But, I'm glad we were able to celebrate with my mom! After dinner it was home for bedtime routine and then the plan was to have quiet time watching the new Game of Thrones...but I was asleep on the couch with Jacob by 8:30 and I only woke up long enough to move he and I to my bed.

It was a great Mother's Day and I am very blessed to have two healthy and amazing little boys and a thoughtful husband who makes sure my special days are truly special. Now that I've captured the "what did we do" stuff, let me spend a few minutes on a couple things that made this  more than just a day filled with activities and gifts.

In the car on the way home from Riverside Park, Kaleb said to me from the back seat "Know what, Mommy? I didn't get my kisses yet today!" For the record, he had received multiple kisses and hugs by this point in the day. What made this special is that this is what I say to him all the time and I loved hearing it repeated back. I am proud to have a family where kisses and hugs are the standard, and my son knows they will happen all day, every day.

Jacob has really ramped up the smiling and cooing, and I still can't believe how blessed I am to have another healthy, handsome, happy little boy in my life! He is so BIG! At 5 weeks he is already in size 3m clothes, and they aren't exactly loose or anything. In fact, yesterday Jacob wore the same onesie that Kaleb had worn on his first Mother's Day. But when Kaleb wore it he was 5 months old, Jacob is fitting into it at 5 weeks! He is for sure my solid little tank of a man, I can't wait for his next check up to see what he weighs.

Before Kaleb's bedtime last night I asked Kyle to get a picture of me and the boys. I sat in the glider in the nursery with Jacob and Kaleb climbed onto my lap. Jacob was screaming and fussing his way through some gas pain, and Kaleb was not at all in the mood to cooperate, and I was sporting that "exhausted and at the end of my long day" look. Needless to say, the pictures turned out horribly if the intention was to frame them, or even share them publicly. However, the reality they capture is a perfect snapshot of my life as a mother right now, hectic and tired and busy and with a lap full of love and a smile on my face through it all. When I look at those pictures in the years to come I am going to remember how full my heart was at that moment.

I didn't just have a Happy Mother's Day, I had a day filled with love and laughter with my beautiful little family. I am so very blessed!

Plenty of love, but desperately in need of more "me"!

We knew that Kaleb would have an adjustment period to work through with the addition of Jacob to our family. That was about the extent of our ability to prepare for it though, just knowing it was coming. We couldn't really know what form "it" would take so I just made sure I regularly reminded myself and Kyle that we were going to see some sort of coping from our 2 year old, and it most likely wasn't going to be fun for any of us.

I had also anticipated that there would be some emotions that I'd need to work through over adding a new person to our cozy little unit of 3. I had no idea just how intense and challenging that was going to be for me. I'm finally now, 5 weeks later, starting to find some peace and even a little balance about it all.


I was not at all prepared for the intensity of my reaction to feeling like I was somehow betraying Kaleb by adding a new person to our family. It was *really* hard for me. With having a c-section, I wasn't able to pick Kaleb up or carry him or have him sit on my lap or play with me for that first week. I was pretty much out of commission, short of breast feeding Jacob, for that first week so Kyle was doing everything. This was great for Kyle and Kaleb to really bond and spend some good time together during that first week where Kyle was off work. But I struggled with the fact that I couldn't help, couldn't do Kaleb's bed time, and all the other things that used to be "Mommy things".

Even now, healed completely and back to full capacity, there are times I have to take care of Jacob when Kaleb needs me, and times I need to take care of Kaleb when Jacob needs me. I've been told "this is good for Kaleb, it teaches him patience" and "this is good for Jacob, he doesn't know any better anyway and this will make him a more laid back kid". Okay, I can agree with both of those things, but I still end most days feeling like I've let each of my boys down . I suppose the crux of the issue for me is that I feel like there just isn't enough of me right now, with both boys being at such demanding ages. I have no issue with having plenty of love for both boys, but the reality is there is only so much time and I can't be in more than one place at the same time.This is my struggle with the transition to being a mother of 2, feeling like I just can't possibly give enough of "me" to both of them.

For Kaleb, his transition has been bumpy as well, but like I said, we completely expected that to happen. He has started waking up throughout the night, calling out for me. He had a week of really tough day care drop offs last week. Bedtime became a major battle. We have also started having issues with him throwing toys, both at home and at day care.  He has really started to push his boundaries, and I've had to institute some time outs here at home a few times.

We seem to be making some head way on the day care drop offs and the bed times. I wake up early now with Kaleb to give him plenty of transition time in the mornings, we have Cheerios together, then get dressed, then watch a cartoon and he eats a breakfast cookie. I'm also working to firm up the bed time routine again. Understandably, and to be expected, the first few weeks of Jacob being here, the bed time routine (and every other routine) got pretty lax. Now I try to have Kyle feed Jacob a bottle while I put Kaleb to bed (a great example of not enough "me", Jacob wants to eat at the same time Kaleb needs to go to bed). And I'm firm with Kaleb about "3 stories, 3 songs, 3 kisses and good night". He is still waking up some nights, but we are making progress.

And, lest anyone wonder "why can't Kyle do that stuff?", he can and he does! I am the first to admit that all of this pressure I'm feeling is coming solely from me...and a demanding "I only want my Mommy" set of brothers...but Kyle is right there in the trenches with me, rocking newborns, reading stories to toddlers, responding to middle of the night wake ups, and listening to Mommy melt-down moments in which I'm crying and saying that I just can't do this. In fact, if I didn't have Kyle by my side in this I would have thrown in the towel weeks ago!

I knew things would change, I knew there would be adjustments. I was prepared for Kaleb's but was very surprised by the intensity of my own emotions surrounding all of this. Now that Jacob is here, I need to redefine what it means to me to be Mom to both of these boys. What I expected of myself as Mom to Kaleb just isn't sustainable now that there are two little boys who need me. It is time to evolve into my new role, which is exactly the kind of challenge that I love most :)

Three weeks and thriving!

Three weeks today! At his two week checkup, Jacob tipped the scales at 9 lbs 10 oz, was 22.5 inches long, and received a "gold star for growth" :) I can't remember if I posted his birth weight, but he was 9 lbs 4 oz at birth, 22 inches long, and then 8 lbs 11 oz when we left the hospital. For a breastfed baby it is ideal for them to come close to regaining their birth weight by the two week checkup. Jacob knocked it out of the park! So, we know that breast feeding is going really well, he is such a champ at eating...yes, I'm proud :)

Since Jacob is three weeks and since breast feeding is clearly going so well (as evidenced by his stellar weight gain), we are going to introduce a bottle tonight. I've been pumping milk once each day for the past two weeks and currently have over 75 oz of breast milk stored in the freezer! Most of the experts say three weeks is the sweet spot for introducing a bottle. Jacob is clearly well established in his breast feeding habits, so there is not much concern that he'll get a bottle and decide to abandon the breast. He is also still "new" enough that he shouldn't balk at the bottle, which is a risk faced if you wait too long to give them that first bottle. I do plan to breast feed 'as exclusively as possible' (not a fan of extreme statements like 'exclusively') for the first year, so when he takes a bottle it will be pumped breast milk he is drinking. But, this way I will be able to do crazy things like be away from him for more than 2 hours, or drink wine and still feed him. Tonight I'm celebrating the three week mark with a bottle of my own as well, some delightful Cabernet :)

At the three week mark, here is what I've observed about my second born:

*He is VOCAL!! Every movement has an accompanying grunt or snort or squeak or other sound effect. He purrs and growls and hums when he eats. If you pick him up while he is trying to sleep he will make some sort of sound of protest. And, at the very first tiny little bit of discomfort he will howl like he hasn't eaten in days. It is endearing during the waking hours of the day, and when I'm not trying to get anything else done. It is, I'll admit, quite irritating in the wee hours of the morning. It is hard to have him sleep next to me at night because he just makes noise all night long, sleeping or awake, he is sounding off about something. I am excited to see if, and how, this tendency manifests as he grows!

*He is ADORABLE! I was worried, I'll admit, that Jacob could never possibly be as cute as Kaleb was. Fortunately, my worry was in vain. He has his very own brand of cute, different from Kaleb's version but just as intense. Jacob is adorable in an expressive, animated, engaging kind of way. Not only is he vocal, he is expressive. Everything is a production for him, from growling and doing the "woodpecker head" when he is hungry and looking for food, to straining and grimacing in his sleep as he tries to shift to a more comfy position. The world is a stage when it comes to my sweet baby boy. Again, I look forward to watching how this plays out over the coming years :)

As the days go by I am feeling good about our decision to have Kaleb continue attending day care during my leave. When we are all home at night there just isn't the time to focus completely on memorizing each and every one of Jacob's facial expressions. And I want to be able to do that with him just like I did when Kaleb was a newborn. I'm happy to have this gift of exclusive bonding time with Jacob. As the weeks go on, I intend to keep Kaleb home for more days, and to pick him up early on some days. But for these first few weeks, I love the special time that I get to spend bonding with my newborn.

I have so much to share about how I'm adjusting to having two kids, but the time to post hasn't presented itself and tonight I wanted to capture all this stuff about just Jacob.

Happy three weeks to Jacob and to our family of four...I don't know if I'll ever get sick of how cool that sounds!

My Birth Story with Jacob

Yesterday was Jacob's actual due date, he is 12 days old today :) I have already posted about our decision to have a repeat c-section, and that was scheduled for last Monday, April 9. Jacob decided to join us on Thursday, April 5 instead. Here's the story of how he made his big entrance:

On Wednesday (4/4) I woke up feeling off, got in the shower and had to stop the shower early because I was feeling nauseous. I planned to rest on the couch, and then go into work a little late, thinking it was just being tired from pregnancy. Then Kaleb woke up and was clearly sick. So, my plan changed to just working from home with Kaleb. We got through the day but it was rough, all I wanted to do was rest.

As far as the pregnancy was going, I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks, and I was experiencing a lot of aches in my lower abdomen, just tired and tender and really done with carrying Jacob around!

I went to bed Wednesday night and then at 2:00 AM I woke up in the middle of a contraction. I turned over and figured it was just a particularly strong Braxton Hicks, but about 10 minutes later I got hit by another one. I stayed in bed until 2:30 and then got up. The contractions got closer together rather quickly. By 3 I was pretty sure these were real contractions so I downloaded an app on my phone to track them and by 4 had determined a pattern of about a minute long and averaging 6 minutes apart.

At this point I was pretty well convinced I was in labor, so I took a shower, folded some laundry, and paced around the house. The contractions weren't slowing down at all, instead they were getting more intense and closer together. At 5 I decided I should probably wake Kyle up, so he wouldn't feel rushed if we decided to go in to the hospital. I woke him up, told him I'd been awake since 2 with contractions and that they were getting closer together and more intense. I called my doctor's office and left a message for the on call OB that I was contracting about 5 minutes apart at this point. She called back pretty quickly and confirmed that we should be heading to the hospital.

We called the Remsburgs at 6, I packed a bag for Kaleb, and Kyle took Kaleb over there at 6:30 then came back to get me and we went up to St. Mary's. They put me in a triage room and hooked me up to all the monitors. The first step was to give me a bunch of fluids, since dehydration can sometimes bring on false labor pain. The nurse checked me and I had dilated to 1 cm before we arrived. After two hours, two bags of fluids through the IV, and many more contractions, the nurse checked me again and I was dilated to 3. This was as of 9:30 AM and they made the decision at this point to keep me there and put me in the line up for a c-section that day. WOW! We weren't expecting this and it was really really exciting!

During those couple hours of taking in fluids and not knowing if they were going to keep us or send us home it was tough. I would have felt really embarrassed if it wasn't real labor and was just dehydration and we got sent home. I really wanted to stay..but I was also really hungry! I had eaten a light dinner the night before because I wasn't feeling well. When I woke up suspecting I was in labor, I didn't eat anything because I'd been told I had to fast for 8 hours before the c-section. So, our joke during those hours of waiting was that I would either get a baby or get breakfast and at that point, I wasn't sure which sounded better! However, I was quite relieved and very excited, and forgot all about breakfast, when the nurse confirmed that we got to have our baby that day!

Then we had to wait. and wait. and wait some more. That same day there was already one scheduled c-section and I was then 1 of 3 more women who had shown up that morning in labor and with c-sections scheduled for later in the week. It was a busy day for the hospital staff that day! There was a full moon the night before, and we talked with the nurse about how full moons did tend to result in busier hospitals. A nurse brought Kyle his scrubs at 10:00 and said the OB was starting another c-section right then and that I was next. And then we waited some more.

The contractions got worse and worse, and by about noon I was starting to lose patience and was really just wanting to get this show on the road. As it turns out, the OB was ready to go but the anesthesiologist had been called to another part of the hospital to handle something else, so we were waiting on him to come back before it was my turn. Finally, at 2:00 they came to get us and I walked to the operating room, got my spinal block, got prepped for the surgery, and then they let Kyle come into the room. The spinal block worked beautifully, I couldn't feel anything at all. (a significant improvement over my first c-section, where I could feel everything since the epidural wasn't working on my right side) Kyle did an excellent job keeping me distracted and holding my hand and just being that rock solid presence he always is.

At 2:36 PM on April 5 I got to hear Jacob cry for the very first time, and wow what a cry it was! I said many times during my pregnancy that I had a feeling Jacob was going to be much more demanding than Kaleb was as a baby, that he wouldn't hesitate to make his needs known and to share his displeasure at anything he didn't like...that cry was my first confirmation. So persistent! And for the first couple days he had this squeak sound he would make while crying, it was quite cute :)

After the docs had me all put back together, I was wheeled into the recovery room and they gave me Jacob to try and nurse. He latched on like a little champ and fed like he was a 3 month old, not a newborn. It was such a great moment!

One thing I struggled with in deciding to have a repeat c-section was that I wouldn't have that "honey, it's time" moment of going into labor on my own. I didn't really get that with Kaleb either, since we had the induction scheduled and I didn't start having contractions until a couple hours before that appointment. Jacob came 4 days before the scheduled c-section, and so I got to have that experience of contractions in the middle of the night, and then waking my husband up to tell him our baby was coming. I am really thankful to have had that experience in my life, one of those moments you dream about and that has now come true for me. And, I managed to "get to" labor for 12 hours even with the scheduled c-section, thanks Jacob! ;)

And now we are a family of four, and I'll post more in the coming days on how that transition has been going :)

One more week!!!

In one week from now I am going to be holding my newborn son (see previous post). That has been playing through my head all day today, I just can't believe it is so close!

I've got some warring emotions going on around the idea of bringing this baby home and forever altering the perfect little world we have with Mommy, Daddy, and Kaleb. I find myself getting sad thinking about how this is the last week where it will be just the three of us together. How, very very soon, Kaleb is going to have to share his Mommy and Daddy. I'm not sitting here wringing my hands over it or anything, but just surfing some pretty crazy emotional and hormonal surges here. I keep telling myself that he is getting a new brother, that this beautiful world we have created as a family of three is just going to get bigger, better, and more amazing with the addition of another member. But I for sure am having weepy moments over all these "lasts" that will be happening this week. I think it is okay to be somewhat sad to have this stage of our family's life coming to an end. Just as much as it is okay to be really excited and happy for the next chapter to begin.

On the exciting front, the nursery is done! It is baby jungle theme and I absolutely love it. I got my green for the walls like I have wanted for so long, and it looks really good with the decor I picked out. All of Jacob's clothes (new things from the girls at work and Kaleb's hand-me-downs) are washed, folded, and organized into his dresser/changing table. I had saved the newborn and size 1 diapers that Kaleb grew out of before he could wear them, they are all set up in the diaper caddy thing that came with the room accessories. It feels great to have that room all set up and situated and to the "Just Add Baby" stage :)

Kaleb also had his room completely redone this weekend. He has a twin size bed now, it looks so big in there! And he looks so small! A friend asked if I was having a hard time with Kaleb not having a baby room anymore, with all the big boy stuff he has, and I think it would be a lot tougher if we weren't also creating a new nursery at the same time. There is nothing 'baby' about his room now, he has his big boy bed and new furniture, including a night stand with a lamp he can turn on and off himself. We also got a toy and book storage shelf thing so all his toys are rounded up and in his room now, super nice for our living room! We decorated his room with a transportation theme, including Thomas. He has Thomas the Tank sheets and I bought a wall decal kit so all his favorite engines are on the wall by his bed. The rest of the room has trucks, planes, construction equipment, and all other things that go. I am hoping to make him a little reading nook in there next to his book shelf, and still also have an entire blank wall to decorate. Currently I'm thinking a big map on the wall, colorful and educational and fun :)

It is so crazy that this is the last week of being a family of three. I can't wait for the next phase of our family to get kicked off. At the same time, I am soaking up every single moment of this week, and embracing my sentimental emotions over it being the end of an era.

2 weeks left!

I'm sad I haven't posted in over a month, what a busy month it has been! So full of fun and work and family...all the kinds of things I started this blog to capture, but when they are all going on at the same time it gets harder and harder to take the time to capture it. Eh, if that's my biggest complaint then I should probably stop the sniveling :)

I've been wanting to post about Jacob's birthday for many weeks now. In fact, this may be the first time I've posted since we finalized his name. Jacob Michael Remsburg. Love it! Yes, the name Jacob is high up on the popularity index these days, but I've loved the name since way before that and there just seriously were no other names that stood a chance. I also had Isaac and Micah on my list, but Kyle was not a fan of either. I love the name, and have been using it when I talk to and about him for many weeks now. And in just 2 weeks and 1 day we will be meeting this little guy!

I shared a while back that I would need to make a decision about electing to have a repeat c-section or trying labor again. I did my extensive reading of all things internet, from Dr. Sears to CDC to mommy-boards and then went to my consult with the OB with my questions. My doctor has been amazing, he gave me the information I asked for and helped me understand the risks of either decision. My decision was to go with a repeat c-section. If I try labor again there is a chance, albeit relatively small, that the previous c-section scar on my uterus could rupture. If that were to happen it could lead to irreversible brain damage for Jacob (again, small chance). I know myself, and if I went for a trial of labor I would be terrified the entire time of that small chance of rupture, and when it came time to push I would be even more worried. I am not one who needs the empowering experience of vaginal birth to feel complete as a woman.

So, with my doctor and my husband on board, I opted for a repeat c-section. The risks involved there are the same as any c-section, including longer recovery with chance for infection. Also with each repeat c-section the scar tissue becomes less...forgetting the term...basically, in a future pregnancy if the placenta were to implant over the scar it would be harder to "take" and there is an increased chance of miscarriage. But that is only if the placenta implants over the scar, and if it were to do that it would also be implanting near or over the cervix, which can also lead to complications. I'm not yet certain we'll be trying for more after Jacob and since I was already for sure pregnant with this one, I made my choice based on my current pregnancy.

And so, Jacob's birthday has been set for Monday, April 9. I will be at 39 weeks, Jacob will be full term but that week early is intended to hopefully have him delivered before my body goes into labor. The surgery is scheduled at 11:30 AM and we are to report to the hospital at 9:30 that morning for all the prep. It has been really nice having a set date, as far as maternity leave planning goes. I know there is the still the chance he could have other plans and I could still go into labor between now and then. But, we are all hoping that everything goes smoothly and our son celebrates his birthday on April 9 every year :)

Prep on Sunday, Eat All Week - First week was a success!

I just wrapped up our first official week of "prep on Sunday" menu planning and family dinner nights. I'm happy to say it was a success!

I planned my menu on Friday during nap and then made the grocery list Saturday.
I was super tired Saturday due to very little sleep Friday night, so I postponed grocery shopping to Sunday morning. Got home from shopping on Sunday, had some lunch, and then set to work prepping.

Here's what the menu looked like:

Sunday - out with friends
Monday - Parmesan-Ranch Chicken, roasted garlic red potatoes, green beans (YUM!! Will for SURE make this again. and again)
Tuesday - Tuscan Beef Stew with biscuits (good, simple, will make this again)
Wednesday - Healthy Mama BBQ Chicken with rice (meh, bland. Nothing inherently wrong or gross, but we won't make it again)
Thursday - leftovers/takeout
Friday - Meatloaf, garlic bread, green beans
Saturday - family birthday party with dinner there

For my Sunday prep session, I labeled 3 gallon size ziplocs, one for each of the first 3 recipes.

I did the Parmesan-Ranch Chicken prep first. I took the chicken out of the freezer put it in its labeled ziploc to defrost in the fridge. In a small tupperware, I combined all ingredients for the breading for the chicken and set that aside on the counter where I would need it the next night. I then set a reminder in my phone (thank you, Siri!) for Sunday night to pour the ranch dressing marinade into the chicken bag once the chicken was defrosted.

Next I turned my attention to the BBQ Chicken and the Beef Stew, my crockpot meals for the week. I put the stew meat into the Beef Stew ziploc. I then scrubbed and chopped the red potatoes for the BBQ Chicken, setting some aside to be roasted as a side for Monday night's dinner. Next I chopped all veggies and put them in the appropriate bags, either BBQ Chicken or Beef Stew. Once the veggies were in, I added all the sauces, stock, and seasonings. Then sealed the ziplocs and set them in the fridge. I set another reminder on my phone for Tuesday night to take the chicken out of the freezer to defrost for the BBQ Chicken. I didn't want to defrost it early in case we ended up not being able to make the chicken Wed. night as planned.

3 dinners chopped, sauced, prepped, and packaged within 40 minutes. I have to say I was impressed with myself when this was done.

The week stayed true to the menu, and the time between getting home from work and sitting down to dinner was really smooth!

On Monday night I turned on the oven as soon as I got home to pre-heat. I purposely picked a recipe that needed less than 30 minutes bake time. This meant I had 20 minutes to hang out with Kaleb before needing to get the chicken in the oven. When it was time to put dinner in, I just had to dump the breading on a plate, pull the chicken from the fridge and dredge it, then pop in the oven. I then dumped the red potatoes from their ziploc into a roasting pan, drizzled with EVOO and sprinkled with garlic powder and parm, these went in the oven with the chicken. This 'prep' took me less than 5 minutes, that was completely manageable! I heated the green beans when Kyle got home. This dinner was a for sure win and is absolutely in our regular rotation now!

Tuesday night, I got a call from day care at 5 that Kaleb had a fever and was saying his tummy hurt. He was clingy and whiny when we got home and we got him into bed early and scrapped the family dinner thing. Kyle and I did enjoy the beef stew and it was really nice having dinner just in the crockpot ready to go. I was able to freeze half the leftovers, which will be really nice for a night I need something quick but don't want to do takeout!

Wednesday Kaleb was tantrumy and clingy and I was super prego-tired. We still did family dinner, but weren't all that impressed with the recipe. All considered, it was still nice to have dinner be easy enough/prepped enough that we could still do family dinner even when I was completely exhausted.

Thursday we did delivery pizza, because someone at work that day had done a pizza day and when I'm pregnant, once I smell/hear about/see someone else eating something then I can't forget about it and I must have it.

Friday is my new flex day, which means I have time at home to make a recipe that doesn't lend well to being prepped on Sunday. This week I did meatloaf, one of Kyle's favs. I like having this day to experiment with new recipes that maybe take a little more fuss.

Tonight is my niece's birthday party so we are having dinner over there.

My menu for next week is planned, the grocery list is ready for shopping tomorrow morning, and I'm looking forward to the sense of accomplishment I'll feel tomorrow afternoon when my week's worth of family dinners are prepped and ready to go!

At this stage in the game I feel like it is a tad early to be sharing my menu planning winning strategies, what with this being only my second week :) But, after another week or two under my belt, I'll be sure to share how the logistics are all working out!

Family Dinner: Lessons Learned During Week 1

Last week was the first week of my "Family Dinner Every Night" commitment and I'm happy to say I made it happen :) It was really awesome to sit around the table as a family, all of us eating the same dinner at the same time together! For last week I just stuck with easy dinners that I knew wouldn't require much prep. I think I had committed to 2 or 3 nights, since I hadn't grocery shopped for a ton. My menu plan going into last week was primarily planned around what we already had in the house.

Here is what our menu ended up being:

Mon: White chili with biscuits (I cooked the chicken in the crockpot with a jar of salsa during the day then just dumped the rest of the ingredients in when I got home from work)
Tues: Manicotti with garlic bread and salad (when I made manicotti a few weeks ago I made a double batch and froze half, so I defrosted over night then baked when I got home from work)
Wed: we had a visitation for a friend's mother that night, so it was leftovers
Thurs: Frozen chicken strips with rice and green beans (I got stuck late at work)
Fri: Frozen pizza (I had planned beef stroganoff, since I'm home on Fridays now and can do more involved dinners. I was going to shop for ingredients after Kaleb's nap that day, but his nap ran until 4:30 and the roads were getting nasty)

So, while I nailed the "eat together every night" part, I have plenty of room to grow on the menu planning and weekly prep areas.

The main challenge I faced was trying to balance getting dinner prepped, cooked, and on the table while also managing a toddler who wanted and deserved my undivided attention. I did choose dinners requiring minimal prep, but that prep needed to be done right when we got home so dinner could finish cooking in time for 6:30 serving. I already have a standing expectation of myself as a mother to provide my children with undivided access to my attention during the first 10 minutes (minimum) that we are home and together again after a long day of being separated at work and day care. The deserve this time and I am not willing to make any lenience on this so my menu planning will need to work around and with it. Lesson learned here, do as much prep the weekend before as possible and plan meals that don't need my attention the minute I walk in the door from work.

Another challenge that I still need to think more about was the fact that Kaleb wants to eat right when we get home. His new day care does snack at 3:00, so he's hungry again when we get home. A hungry toddler equates to a child with zero patience and even less tolerance for frustrations. I don't want him hungry, but I also don't want him having these huge snacks and then not eating dinner. I don't for sure know the best way to overcome this. For the coming week I am going to make sure I have a healthy snack packed for him to eat in the car on the way home from day care. This will give about an hour and a half between the car snack and dinner, which should be enough time for a growing boy to get hungry again.

A third challenge I ran into: getting caught up at work at least one night last week past my regular end time. This is going to happen, so my menu planning needs to take this into account. Lesson learned here: take my weekly work calendar into account when planning the menu. If I am scheduled for late afternoon meetings and/or training sessions then I need to have dinners that don't need bake times aka crockpot stuff.

The final challenge was simply not having planned the menu and then gone grocery shopping. Last week I worked in reverse, having already shopped before I decided to commit to the family dinner plan. I don't know that I can call this a "lesson learned" since I already could have told you it makes much more sense to menu plan before grocery shopping.

It was really rewarding to have my family sit down to a nutritional (most nights) homemade dinner each night! I was pleasantly surprised to see Kaleb sampling everything each night. I was nervous that I'd find out this past week that I had already created the monster and it was too late now for him to adapt to family dinners where he eats what is served and doesn't get to demand other things.

I'm going to start a separate post to share my plans for this week.

**I just went and read last week's post, looks like I hadn't actually committed to starting the family dinners until this coming week. So, I'll give myself a pat on the back for implementing a week early and cut myself a little more slack on last week's menu :)

2012 Goal: Family dinners

Right now, I see to it that my family eats dinner every night, and that the dinner they eat it is nutritional (with a little leniency every now and again on that front). The only issue is, we don't eat all at the same time. Kaleb eats his dinner at 6:30, while I sit with him and talk to him. Then Kyle and I eat our dinner after Kaleb is in bed. Timing-wise this has just been easier. When I get home from work I'm able to just be with Kaleb and not be focused on prepping a dinner for all of us to eat. Also, we just kind of evolved into this routine since Kaleb as an infant and young toddler was on a totally different schedule than we were for eating. However, my goal of this year is to figure out how to make eating dinner as a family every night a reality.

Kaleb is 2 now, and his schedule is predictable and can be easily aligned with ours. He is also more capable of entertaining himself while I prep and cook a meal. I have the mom-thing a little more under control now than I did when Kaleb was in his first year. I am also starting a new schedule at work, where I will be out of the office by 4:45 at the latest every day, which means I'm home by 5:15 or 5:30 reliably. If I aim to have dinner on the table by 6:30 each night that gives me an hour from start to table. With some forethought as to menu, and maybe even a couple hours during Sunday nap time spent chopping veggies and prepping sauces, I think this is a reasonable and doable undertaking. I know working moms across the country pull it off, and there is no reason I can't as well.

I'm giving myself this week to lay out my menus and my shopping plans. I will do my main shopping trip next weekend, and then that following week I am committing to at least 2 nights of family dinner at 6:30. I already have a decent rotation of crock pot dinners, and a nice collection of go-to quick dinners. And with the combination of an internet full of recipes, and a group of other moms I know who do family dinners, I'm going to be able to pull this off.

I am hoping that, by starting now, I'll have myself on a routine well before the baby comes (only 9 more weeks!!!). I expect some slacking on the family dinner qualities during those first few weeks (pizza, takeout, etc) but will also maybe have discovered some great freezer dinners I can prep during that week I'm on maternity leave before he arrives. Then it will be summer and we'll be into the always-easier cooking season of grilling almost all our dinners.

It is important to me that my boys grow up in a home with family dinners every night. I am excited to see how far I've come on this goal by this time next year!