Mama Bears Can't Afford to Hibernate

Tis the season for me to want to curl up with a heating pad, a book and a blanket and just go into hibernation mode until April. I know I'm not alone in this, and I suspect that with the unbelievably hard core start to winter we're having this year, we're going to have some more people seeking hibernation than may typically do so.

But this year, more than any year, I simply can't let the season drag me down. My mama bear instincts have been awakened with a ferocity that is surprising me and I wonder if this may actually be a help to me in battling back the constant desire to just stay in bed all winter. Last night was parent/teacher conferences, something I look forward to greatly for both the boys! I love hearing about how they are relating to their world and the people in it, and hearing the teacher's perspective on where they are developmentally.

Jacob is on track and is demonstrating strengths in creating close bonds to peers and moderating his own wants and desires against the wants and desires of others in his environment. He needs to work on using his words more, specifically in situations with high emotion. He gets frustrated when he wants something and doesn't get is right away (don't we all?) and resorts to using his body (hands, feet, teeth) to express his anger instead of using his voice. Not concerned here, this is age appropriate behavior and something that will improve with time and attention.

Kaleb is excelling academically, as has been the report at every previous conference as well. He's a bright and observant kid, asking questions that sometimes leave the teachers speechless because of the level of insight they represent. We have been receiving reports frequently of his inability to sit still at circle time, his tendency to interrupt the teacher with a question without waiting his turn, and his regular attempts at making his peers laugh during times where they are supposed to be focused. I've taken these with a grain of salt, because it is blatantly obvious that he gets this from me. In the grown up world we call this being extroverted, passionate, and sometimes overly talkative. I just figured these reports were examples of my son's bright, curious, passionate and engaging nature...but last night a new term was used...ADHD. The teacher commented that she hopes that when Kaleb goes to kindergarten next year the teachers see beyond the hyper and can identify the greatness in him and don't "write him off". This, ladies and gentleman, sent my protective parenting instinct into overdrive.

"Write him off"?! I'll be damned if that happens. Did you know that when I was a sophomore in high school my life plan was to go to Harvard and that my thesis for my doctorate was my conviction that many cases of ADHD have more to do with the child being bored in a traditional school setting than with the child having a "learning disability". I was going to use that doctorate of mine to open learning centers across the nation that were designed with the needs of the ADHD child in mind. Clearly, that did not pan out, and yet it looks like God has kept me true to my calling and my passion by blessing me with a child who serves as the perfect case study for my thesis. It is, and continues to be, my suspicion that in many cases, it is the education system that has the disability, not the child.

Now, before you accuse me of being overly biased because he is my kid, let me say that I do recognize the need for children to learn to adapt to their environment and that it is important to learn in life that sometimes we have to do things we find boring or tedious. I'm not going on a soapbox to say my child is magical and special and it's just that no one understands him and we should let him explore however he wants to. I am not blind when it comes to my kids, or at least I like to think I am not, although I realize I am somewhat biased because it is my job as his mom to see the best in him, especially when others struggle to.

In absence of a full diagnosis just yet, Dr. Google has provided me with multiple confirmations of something I've been suspecting for a while now. My oldest child displays many of the traits associated with ADHD. I am heart broken when I think about what it means for him if this is truly a diagnosis he ends up with. I know all too well what it feels like to want to behave and yet not do so, the anger of trying so damn hard to follow through and stick with something and stay focused and still have to constantly struggle with it even though you want to do it so badly.

We'll seek formal diagnosis in the future. For now I am thankful he has a teacher at day care who pays such close attention to him and who wasn't afraid to raise the concern with me. I am thankful that he is my son because I am uniquely suited to understand his struggles while at the same time having spent many years reading about and studying not only ADHD but all aspects of human behavior and development.

Kaleb, I assure you that for as long as I'm here you will have the best advocate there is for your development. No teacher on my watch will ever "write you off", mama bear is wide awake and I've been preparing for this, unknowingly, for over two decades.