Strangely Zen

I posted earlier about how hard it would be to spend this week waiting to take the HPT on Saturday. Instead I am surprisingly calm and not all that anxious. I've done lot's of reading and know that conceiving the first month you start trying is about a 1 in 5 chance. I kind of feel okay with the idea that it might not have worked this time around. There is always next month, and that would mean I could partake in the icy cold beers at Kyle's work picnic and at the wedding reception we have coming up this month.

I'm sure if the test is negative I will feel some disappointment, but right now I don't think it is going to be as big of a deal as I originally thought it would be. We are at a great spot family-wise right now. Kaleb is 18 months and pretty easy to take care of for the most part. His schedule is predictable, he has all kinds of words so I can understand what he needs and wants, and he can go all kinds of fun places with us and all I really need to do to get out of the house is refresh his sippy cup and grap the diaper bag. These are the things I think of when I consider that our due date may shift from late March to late April or even May. I'm okay with that,at least at this moment.

That said, since Saturday I have had two very vivid dreams centered on positive HPT's. Today I am more tired than usual and I am feeling slight nausea, the kind where you want to take deep breaths and just kind of hold still. I realize this could easily be a psychosomatic thing since being pregnant has been on my mind constantly this week. But, there ya have it. I'm supposed to wait until Saturday morning to pee on the stick, but I just found a box with a couple tests in it and I think I might just go ahead and try tomorrow morning...as another wave of nausea rolls over me just now. What if?? What if I am pregnant right now?!?! This is so exciting!