This is now, but think about what it means for "then"

I'm reading a book called Unconditional Parenting right now, just starting it actually, so I'm still in the intro part. The author, Alfie Kohn, is discussing how many parenting techniques focus on producing 'obedient' children, kids who do what they are told, when they are told, and don't cause too much disruption or inconvenience to the adults in their lives. I confess, I am guilty of sometimes wanting this from Kaleb "Just sit down and be quiet and play nicely with the toy!" or something along those lines. Kohn has issued a challenge to me (the reader) to stop and consider the kind of person I want Kaleb to be when he is older, what character traits do I want him to possess? Once you know that, then compare that with what you are teaching them to be now. Here is an excerpt that I particularly like where he shares something another author says to parents who complain that their teenagers don't stand up to peer pressure:

"Author Barbara Coloroso remarks that she's often heard parents of teenagers complain, 'He was such a good kid, so well behaved, so well mannered, so well dressed. Now look at him!' To this, she replies:

From the time he was young, he dressed the way you told him to dress; he acted he way you told him to act; he said the things you told him to say. He's been listening to somebody else tell him what to do...He hasn't changed. He is still listening to somebody else tell him what to do. The problem is, it isn't you anymore; it's his peers."

That's as far as I've read so far, so I'm not sure if he is going in the direction I assume he is when I read that. To me it is a perfect wake-up call as I navigate temper tantrums and Kaleb's emerging sense of Me, Mine, I...self. Because, when I stop to think about the traits I want him to possess as a teen, young adult, grown man, I can see the development of those traits already taking place. Self-reliance, curiousity, willing to stand up for what he wants even when no one else agrees with him. There are more, but to name a few. I really appreciate this perspective on my current situation. Not that the tantrums and the "do it self" or the "it has to only be that sippy cup, I don't care that it is dirty and you have an identical one that is clean, I only want THAAAAAAT ONE!!" or all the other nuances to his behavior lately aren't challenging. But, when I put them in the long-term perspective and project out into the future what the underlying drivers of these current behaviors are, I can see that he is shaping up to be quite an amazing person.

A tad rambly, wanted to get that captured before I lost the sentiment :)