Well that there's yer problem!

Well, no BFP and I'm 99% sure the red devil has flared it's ugly head as of late last night. I did get caught up in some Google searching of implantation bleeding, but I don't think that's the case this time around. More on that in a bit.

I went back through the app on my phone I've been using to track cycles and predict fertility. Looks like my cycle is 26 days, not 28. Which means I ovulated 2-3 days earlier than I actually thought I did lsat time. And those 2-3 days early were right when we were traveling home (no mile high club this time around) and then the actual ovulation was the day after we got home. I was caught up with Kaleb and Kyle was immediately back to work. We took a couple days "off" just for logistical reasons, thinking we had until Saturday anyway. So, if the math is right, we weren't having sex at all during the 3 days up to and including ovulation, it was the only 3 days we took "off" for pretty much all of June. figures.

So, with my app updated and after verifying this through another source (just in case the app is flawed) I'm due to ovulate again around the 26th of this month, a Tuesday. We'll see if we have better results now that we have a better picture of what is actually happeneing.

On the implantation bleeding vs. period front: noticed a small amount of blood when I stopped in the bathroom on the way out of work last night. Between then and bedtime it was nothing a panty liner couldn't handle. I also had some minor cramping. With Kaleb I had implantation bleeding that was significant enough for me to mistake it for a light period, which is why I went 2 cycles before suspecting something was up. So, there is still a very slim chance that this is more of that. I'm not hopeful, but I'm saving my "bottle of red to drown out the sorrow of the red" wine a little longer. When the bleeding/spotting stops I will take anohter HPT to be sure. I expect to see that lonely single line, and then I'll get good and tosated. I cried a bit last night, I'll cry again then. And then I'll buck up, take a long look at my sweet amazing Kaleb, and get ready to climb back in the saddle (pun intended) in a couple weeks.

Kyle was great about it last night. He isn't usually very "into" this gig, I burned him out on baby talk a few months ago (i've been obsessing and ready for this for over a year now!). But, with the clingy Kaleb thing going on (perhaps another post on that later) and then the mix of hope and depression over the implantation bleeding or period thing, I was quite sad and down in the dumps last night. He sat next to me, reminded me that stress is the enemy of fertility (he just can't help himself, he is wired to solve problems, not listen to them). I told him I wasn't stressed, I had been excited, and so this was a let down. I told him I understand it is unlikely to happen the first time, but logic doesn't really help with emotion. He reached over and rubbed my back for a bit, told me he was ready and willing and we would have another baby soon, then he just let me cry. It's good to feel understood.

I've also got a great friend who is just starting to track cycles and take temperatures (oh yeah, I'll be doing that this round as well). So she and I had a chat about it all yesterday. It really helps to have someone else to go through this with who speaks the language, has read the articles, and all that stuff. K, enough for today.